I need to tell you something that might change how you’ve been thinking about the mess.
Not the mess in your closet. Not the pile on the kitchen counter or the junk drawer you’ve been meaning to deal with since last spring. Those are real, and we will talk about them. But those are actually the easy part. A weekend project, maybe two, and they’re handled.
The spaces I’m talking about are the ones you carry with you. The ones that don’t get cleaned up on a Saturday morning, no matter how motivated you feel.
There are three of them. And most of us are only dealing with one, then wondering why nothing really changes.
The first space: physical
Yes, your home. Your closet, your living room, your bedroom, your car. The environments you move through every single day.
Here’s what I want you to understand about physical space: our environments are not neutral. They either support us or drain us. When an area is cluttered, it creates physical stress. It raises cortisol. It causes a kind of low-grade fatigue that we don’t always name because we’ve gotten so used to it.
You might not say out loud, “This kitchen counter is really bothering me.” But you notice it. Every time. And over time, it wears you down.
Physical space reflects decisions, whether the ones we’ve made or the ones we haven’t yet. That glass sitting on the counter? Someone decided to put it there instead of where it belongs. The result of the cortisol, the low-level fatigue, is real either way.
When I work with clients, we often start here, with the physical, because it’s front of mind and it feels manageable. But I always know that this is just the doorway. The Physical space is where we begin, not where we end.
The second space: mental
Mental clutter is the constant loop. The unfinished thoughts, the decisions we keep putting off, the conversations we’re having in our heads at two in the morning. It shows up as “I need to,” “I should have,” “don’t forget.” It’s overthinking. It’s decision fatigue.
We only have so much room, mentally, to hold onto things. When everything is talking at once, we can’t figure out what to do next. We can’t create clarity on the outside when our minds are full on the inside.
If you’ve ever suddenly become a caregiver, you know this feeling exactly. You’re managing everything and everyone. There is so much running in your brain that you barely have time to take care of yourself. Your physical world starts to reflect the mental overload, laundry piles up, meals get skipped, and things that used to feel easy start slipping.
Mental clutter can keep you stuck even if your house is spotless. That’s important to hear. A clean home doesn’t automatically mean a clear mind.
The third space: emotional
This is the one we forget we even have.
Emotional space is almost invisible to us because we’ve gotten very good, as women, at compartmentalizing. Keeping our emotions quiet and still so we can keep showing up for everyone else. We’re good at it. Sometimes too good.
We hold on to things not just objects, but what those objects represent. A song comes on the radio, and suddenly you’re in tears. A scent drifts by, and you’re back in your mother’s kitchen. You didn’t know you were holding on to that. But you were. You are.
Emotional space is where I do most of my coaching work. It’s at the heart of everything. Because here’s what happens when life gets hard: we shove more and more into that emotional space and hold it down as long as we possibly can so we can keep functioning. Keep taking care of everyone else. Keep moving. Until we can’t anymore. And the reason we can’t isn’t weakness; it’s that the space is simply full.
These three spaces don’t operate separately. They feed each other. A cluttered physical space raises your cortisol, which clouds your thinking, which leaves you no room to process what you’re feeling emotionally. An overcrowded mind spills over into physical things, which pile up; decisions get avoided; and your home starts to reflect what’s happening inside you. And when your emotional space overflows, it can stop you from taking any physical action at all, no matter how much you want to.
They are intertwined. Always.
And that’s why the goal, for me, has never been minimalism. It’s never been about clearing out everything or organizing your sweaters the right way. It’s always been about creating enough space in each area for what you actually need, want, and desire.
Moving forward doesn’t come from doing more. It comes from creating space for what actually matters.
You already know this instinctively. Don’t you feel better when the house gets cleaned? Something lifts. You breathe. You have energy you didn’t have an hour ago. That’s not a coincidence; that’s what a little space does.
It works the same way in your mind and in your heart.
Before you start your week, I’m asking you to do one thing. Ask yourself honestly: which of the three spaces feels most full right now? Physical. Mental. Emotional. You don’t have to fix it today. That’s where we start.
See you next Monday, Meryl
Part of the Monday with Meryl Series.
