Have you ever answered a text so fast you regretted it before you put your phone down?
Or skimmed an email, fired back a response, and then found out later – yeah, that was the wrong answer?
Please tell me I’m not the only one.
We react because it feels faster. And honestly, we’ve been rewarded for it our whole lives. The faster you got dinner on the table, answered the phone, responded to every message, the more people noticed. The more they valued you. React fast enough, long enough, and your brain starts to believe that’s just how life works.
But here’s what a lifetime of reacting actually costs us.
I’ll be honest. Recently I’ve dealt with some health issues. My sleep hygiene is solid. Same bedtime, same wake time. Everything the same. But I wasn’t resting. I’d go to sleep and my brain wouldn’t shut down because I’d spent the entire day in reaction mode. The next day I was even more reactive, shorter with people, quicker to snap, less like myself. A domino effect.
This is especially true for women in midlife. When you’re in the middle of a major transition, kids leaving, career shifting, relationships changing, identity reshaping itself, reaction becomes the default. Not because you’re getting older or you’re disorganized. Because no one told you that the exhaustion you’re feeling isn’t about your schedule. It’s about clarity. Specifically, the clarity of knowing who you’re becoming on the other side of this transition.
That’s what constant reacting does to women in the middle of a major life transition. It’s exhausting in a way that’s hard to define, unless you have been there. It’s the old saying, if you know, you know. You never actually chose any of it.
Here’s where it gets interesting.
Reacting is easy because it skips choice. Responding requires you to pause, notice how you feel, and decide what you actually want to do. And choice requires clarity. So of course, reacting feels faster. It is. But it borrows from you every single time.
Think about your closet. If it’s packed, you grab whatever’s right in front of you. You don’t think about it. It’s a reaction. The clutter is making the decision for you. Same with your calendar. If every slot is full and everything feels urgent, you’ll just do whatever is screaming the loudest. The bill that keeps coming back. The appointment that won’t leave you alone. The things that actually matter to you? They usually don’t make enough noise. This is something I see again and again with women navigating empty nests, divorce, career changes, loss, any transition that asks who you are now? When we can’t answer that question clearly, we fill the space with reaction. We stay busy. We keep up. We manage. And we wonder why we feel so behind, even when we’re getting things done.
The overwhelm isn’t about your schedule. The clutter isn’t about your closet. Both are telling you something about how clear you are, or aren’t, about who you’re becoming.
What would happen if you gave yourself just a little space first?
Not a lot. Just enough to notice. Am I reacting right now, or am I choosing?
Because here’s what I want you to hear: sometimes reacting is exactly the right call. That’s not the problem. The problem is when you don’t have a choice, when reaction just happens, automatically, before you’ve had a second to think. Just like sending that text and wishing you hadn’t hit send.
The goal isn’t to slow everything down. The goal is to have a choice in your own life again.
So this week, one question: when you look back at the last few days, were you mostly reacting or choosing?
You don’t have to change everything. Just notice. Name it. Give yourself a little space before the next thing happens.
That space is where clarity begins. And clarity is where everything starts to change.
— Meryl
