I had a moment of clarity forced upon me last week. You would think that someone who coaches others on clarity wouldn’t need it forced upon her, but apparently, I did. I needed some clarity around my priorities, what really mattered, and what I could let go of when I felt like I was in over my head.
I’d like to tell you I came to this realization through journaling, meditation, inner work, or some thoughtful contemplation. All the things I might coach someone else through. But that’s not what happened.
I woke up on Friday morning sick. In bed, sick. I don’t know if it was an upper respiratory infection, a severe cold, or COVID. Whatever it was, it took me down for quite a few days. I’m still sneezing and coughing, but thankfully, I’m feeling much better.
Because I had no energy for anything extra, I got clarity pretty quickly. I could barely do the things that felt absolutely imperative to my health, my family, or my business. Everything else had to wait.
I’m also a health coach, so of course I got up and started taking supplements, drinking teas and herbs, and doing all the things I thought might help me feel better. But I was still sick. And somewhere in those first few days, I realized something. I knew exactly what I could let go of, even temporarily. I knew what was urgent, what was important, and what could wait. Apparently, I knew more about my priorities than I was willing to admit.
But that wasn’t the biggest realization I had.
I discovered something else, and I’m curious if this happens to other women, too. I felt bad about being sick. I felt guilty for not being able to do all the things I usually do. I felt almost embarrassed to tell someone I was sick and couldn’t attend a Zoom meeting or make phone calls. And I was surprised by how guilty I felt.
I wasn’t getting my work done. I couldn’t provide the usual support and care for my family. I couldn’t be there for my friends the way I normally would. I felt like I was letting everyone down.
Then came the second realization. I knew better.
I would never tell a coaching client or a friend to feel guilty for being sick. I would encourage her to rest, take care of herself, and let the other things wait. Yet there I was, feeling guilty and apologizing because I couldn’t do the things I normally do.
Isn’t it interesting how much easier it can be to give someone else permission to take care of herself than it is to give ourselves that same permission?
I remember when I got COVID the first time. I got so sick that I ended up in the hospital. It was a very serious situation. And even then, I remember feeling guilty. Maybe I should have done a better job of taking care of myself. Maybe I should have taken more vitamins. Maybe I had somehow caused this.
Some of those same feelings came back last week as I was coughing, blowing my nose, and having a little bit of a pity party, if I’m honest. I immediately started thinking about what I could have done differently to avoid getting sick.
Because apparently, I still wanted to be Superwoman. I wanted to be healthy, cook dinner, go to the store, take care of everyone else, and tend to my coaching business without letting anyone down.
There wasn’t much of a moment when I simply told myself, “Hey, you’re sick. You need to take it easy, rest, and you’ll be fine. This is part of life.” It’s normal. It happens to everyone. And it can even happen to me.
I wasn’t letting myself say it was okay. That realization hit me hard enough that I thought it warranted writing about it.
So here are the two things I learned last week. I learned them the hard way, and I had them forced upon me.
1. We usually know what we can let go of when we really need to.
Deep down, I think we know more about our priorities than we sometimes admit. When something happens in our lives that demands our attention, we suddenly become much clearer about what really matters and what can wait.
In my case, I had to make space to heal. I had the knowledge and the ability to say no to things I couldn’t manage that week. Some things were postponed. Some things didn’t get done at all. And the world kept turning.
It makes you wonder, doesn’t it? Why can’t we do that on a regular basis? Why does it sometimes take a crisis before we’re willing to let things go? I probably wouldn’t have seen my priorities quite so clearly if I hadn’t been forced to.
2. We don’t need to feel guilty or apologize for being human.
This was the bigger lesson for me. Not everything is our fault. We don’t need to be ashamed, guilty, or embarrassed because we can’t do everything. It’s okay to take care of ourselves without guilt, shame, or apologies.
Can I tell you how many times last week I said to somebody, “I’m so sorry, I can’t because I’m sick. I’m so sorry. I’ll get back to you as soon as I feel better. I can’t do it right now.”
I apologized over and over again. For what? For being sick. It wasn’t my fault, but I was apologizing anyway.
And the interesting part is that I knew what I needed to do. I knew what I could let go of. I knew I needed to rest. But knowing those things and giving myself permission to do them without guilt turned out to be two very different things.
Making Space Without Apology
My takeaway from all of this, for myself and hopefully for you, is to start paying attention to the things we can let go of, even temporarily, to create space for what really matters right now. Especially as we’re moving into this busy season.
There will always be things that need our attention. There will always be people who need something from us. And there will always be things we want to accomplish. But our health matters, too. So do our own needs.
We don’t have to wait until we’re sick or overwhelmed to decide what deserves our time and energy. And we don’t have to apologize for taking care of ourselves.
I hope you’ll take a few minutes after reading this and think about these two things. How often do you know what you need to let go of but keep doing it anyway? And when you finally do give yourself permission to step away, do you find yourself feeling guilty or apologizing?
I hope the next time you catch yourself doing either one, you’ll remember that you have a choice. You don’t have to wait, like I did, to have that clarity forced upon you.
This week, take care of yourself and your life without apology.
Until next Monday,
Meryl
